Wednesday, February 27, 2013

In which I am victimised and then victim-shamed

Yesterday Abolish Human Abortion published a poster with the face of Jennifer Morbelli and verbiage that challenges abortion (as should be no surprise to anyone).
We received a private message in the Facebook inbox, I decided to reply, and an interesting conversation ensued:
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HER:
This photo is blatantly exploiting the deceased. It has the potential to hurt a family which I'm sure are already suffering. Exploitation is not a valid means of making your point. I'm politely privately requesting that you remove this image rather than going directly to Facebook about it (which I'm sure will have no qualms about removing it, and possibly taking other actions against your page). I'm sorry to have to contact you under these circumstances, thanks for your time and thank you in advance for doing the right thing.
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ME:
A brief question, if you don't mind: Do you think the family of the deceased is spending much time on Facebook right now?

-Rhology


HER:
Eventually they will be and if this is offensive for me to see as someone who doesn't know her I can only imagine how they might feel. Keep in mind that I am not a fan of your page and came across this image via a share. Things get around the web quickly, I urge that you keep that in mind and consider that before posting things of this nature. Don't be the one who propagates that cycle. Again, thanks for your time.


ME:
May I ask why you believe this picture is offensive? Is not the woman pictured a victim of the very culture and legalised action we seek to entirely abolish? If we had our way, she and her baby would be alive. Because of the jacked-up culture, she and her baby are dead.

So, what's the problem here?

-Rhology


HER:
With all due respect, I'm not here to argue or be your plaything for the evening. If victim blaming and further victimizing someone feels right to you then I'll just take it to Facebook and hope they have stronger morals. Good evening to you.


ME:
Oh, I see - you say you want to be respectful and kind and all that, and then when I ask you some questions, you resort to "be your plaything for the evening".
So the whole respectful thing was a façade, a little game.

I hope you enjoyed it.

-Rhology


HER:
I hate to say this, but I didn't expect anything more than childishness from you. I can only hope that my words took some effect and you'll consider respect for those who cannot speak for themselves in the future. I've turned this over to Facebook. I bid you a final goodnight.

ME:
Interesting, *you're* the one who said "be your plaything", and *I'm* the childish one. I'm the one asking reasonable questions, and you're the one being insulting.

The effect your words have had on me was further reinforcement that there was no merit to your complaint. Sadly, you seem blind to what you did here.

-Rhology


ME:
Also, just for the sake of full disclosure, "be your plaything" is highly offensive and sexist. You should be ashamed of saying stuff like that.

-Rhology


HER:
I answered your questions and you refused to see how victim blaming and further victimizing a young woman is inappropriate, specifically for a public forum. Those behaviors are that of a preteen and proliferating them is, in my own opinion, irresponsible.
The fact you seem defensive tells me that I did something right to make a difference.
Furthermore, if you're under the impression that what I said was "sexist" then maybe I should suggest you get a larger vocabulary and possibly work on your impure thoughts.
It seems that I'm having to repeat myself quite a bit here but again, thank you for your time and good evening.

(Anything further will be taken as harassment and further reported.)


ME:
Hahahaha, you initiate the conversation, you say something sexist and denigrating, you further victim-shame me for the way YOU made me feel, and now you want the last word such that you threaten reporting for "harassment"?
You must be joking.

Thanks for your time.

-Rhology


HER:
For the record saying "if we had it our way she and her baby would be alive" and the initial caption of the (apparently successfully removed) post is called victim-shaming. My actions are merely called patronizing.

patronizing: present participle of pa·tron·ize (Verb)
Treat with an apparent kindness that betrays a feeling of superiority.

Wether or not you consider yourself a victim of my display of intelligence is subjective. Meaning its up to you, but I certainly won't shame you for it.


ME:
Notice how you victim-shamed me to justify yourself?

See, you DID shame me.

-Rhology

1 comment:

Truth Unites... and Divides said...

Rho,

Thanks for sharing another positive and encouraging conversation that you've been experiencing of late.

We should all be so lucky.